Friday, December 30, 2011
Stuff I listen to:
Fall Out Boy
All American RejectsRelient K
Taylor Swift
Aaron Carter
Far East Movement
Labels: Recordings
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1:47 PM
I sometimes get scared when letting a best friend know how much they mean to me. Scared that I might end up letting them down, & my words will ring in their heads & hurt.
Labels: Shorties
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12:55 AM
I feel... happy, right now.
I started by uploading pictures so I can delete them from the computer.
I started uploading to FaceCake.
Then Tumblr.
Then captioning.
I made my first meme.
Then someone reblogged my photoset in Tumblr.
Happy.
I looked back at all the pictures I took, and now I'm excited about all the pictures I'll be taking.
And the experiences I'm going to have.
And how they'll be preserved & shared.
Labels: Recordings
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12:38 AM
Thursday, December 29, 2011
I have been to, as in, properly went there & soaked up a little of the place there, to...
Cuti-Cuti Malaysia:
Melaka
Penang
Kuala Lumpur
International:
China
Thailand
Taiwan
Labels: Recordings
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10:52 PM
2010 to 2011 was roller-coaster ride, I up so fast it was like rocket, I down so fast it was like meteor, & if anyone asked if it was worth it, I'd tell them I have no regrets.
Labels: Shorties
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7:01 PM
Love is when you meet a girl who likes the same things as you do, does things that you think are awesome, fits in well with your family, clicks perfectly with your buddies, has a fantastic figure, has beautiful hair, has a wonderful, warm personality, smiles the sweetest smile you could ever have imagined on a human being- & falls in love with you-
& despite your heart thumping madly for her,
& the sheer difficulty of having to forget about her,
you turn her down to continue this journey with my hand in yours.
Labels: Shorties
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12:43 AM
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Tumblr opens my eyes to all the living I could be doing. It hurts, sometimes. Knowing I cannot ever just go for a tattoo if I want to, or pierce whatever I want. Sleepover at my boy's place. Bungee jump. Dance. Lose a lot of weight in a tiny period of time. Dance somemore. Meet strangers. Do strange things. Go to a rock concert. Get a job as a waitress. Live somewhere run-down all my life. Blast music. Graffiti. Do dangerous things.
But it's okay. Everything gets filtered. I will end up doing some of the stuff I want. If I regret anything, if at all, it's part of life.
Labels: Shorties
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11:39 PM
I read stories, & I want to live like the people in the stories live. But I am constantly reminded that I cannot. In reality, there are other people to please & risks not to take. So I go back to reading & chew off anyone's hand who tries to interrupt me.
Labels: Shorties
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11:31 PM
2011 is ending soon. & I caught myself imagining what it would be like if there were no limits to how close we could be.
Pictures. Songs. Late night movies. Games. Talks. Friends. Out. Yam cha. Meals. Naps. New Year ideas. Celebrations. Dressing up. Lazy days. Go anywhere days. Road trips. Music. Love.
I'd be welcoming 2012 with no fear, no regrets, no misery.
Labels: Shorties
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11:19 PM
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
After coming back from KL the day before yesterday, I wanted to see my boy, so yesterday, since he was free, I'd asked him to come over.
Asking my mum about it proved to be, well, frustrating. As expected.
I am very happy to report that, through it all, between my mum & Nigel, Nigel's been the one improving, attitude-wise. He is learning to accept & compromise.
Many months ago, if I'd told Nigel that whatever plans we'd made couldn't happen because of my mum, he'd be really unhappy & angry.
Now, though, he swallows & tries not to make a big fuss.
& well, I can't help but love Nigel more for that. Thanks a lot, mum.
Labels: Thoughts
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6:55 PM
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
I will get sudden urges to hug my boy & never let go. Too bad most of the times I get these urges, he isn't around. So what I do, I just imagine & do it myself. Hug the air, or my scrunched up blanket. Sad, I suppose, & it does little to remedy my love sickness. But I do feel happy to have such an amazing boy to imagine hugging with & not feel like a psychotic stalker fangirl.
Labels: Shorties
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3:49 AM
Today was the last day of exam. Pengajian Am paper, done.
I won't talk about how I studied last minute.
So about 6 I went over to JR's to try & be a good friend. He was a bit down.
After that, it was off to Windbell Restaurant. Note: I do not eat much when it comes to meat. I'm just not carnivorous, sorry.
We walked off some of the calories at the nearby Perdana Park, which was a super romantic place.
Then Growball for Arthur Christmas.
Before that, we had thirty minutes to spare, so it was karaoke.
Not bad. I especially like that when I got home at one plus, dad was up, & he didn't tell me off or anything close to a lecture.
Being out at night feels good.
Labels: Recordings
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3:46 AM
If the perfect boy in the stories I author existed, with his quiet ways & bookish look & flawless care & always knowing when I need him & always listening to my rants & always knowing how to cheer me up-
I don't think I'd have fallen for him as hard as I fell for a boy who's both loud & quiet, wild & cool, caring & aloof, comforting & irritating, sweet & mean, popular & disliked, all at the same time, sometimes at unexpected times, loving me the best way he knows how to, failing to meet my expectations & exceeding them as well- in short, a boy only God could have authored.
Labels: Shorties
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3:43 AM
Sunday, December 11, 2011
I'm not handling this first night alone well. & there I was, thinking I would enjoy it. I'm not. Tears are filling my eyes.
Probably because I'm listening to Hanyut by Faizal Tahir. Damn jiwang song that.
But still. I miss my family. A house full of people.
Or maybe I'm just hungry.
What's wrong with me?
Labels: Shorties
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11:14 PM
I feel my innocence slipping away. Yet there is satisfaction, in ways incorrigible if spoken aloud. I understand them, I alone, & that should be enough.
Praying for love in a lap dance, & paying in naivety.
Labels: Shorties
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9:56 PM
Today was the first day of the few days I'm being left alone at home. Mum and siblings are in KL now, for LIFE Camp. Went to church, went Hobby Con at suria with Jona, went Logos Hope with Jona.
Today was fun.
Today was eventful.
Labels: Recordings
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9:54 PM
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Ragdoll. A wimpy, small, light ragdoll.
You easily banish all alrightness from my life with just a few words. You also as easily banish all pain & anger & hurt from my life with just as few words.
I don't know if you realize the power you hold over me.
Labels: Shorties
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9:36 PM
Felt sickly just now, after we returned home from Central, about noon. So after lunch, I went straight to sleep & ended up dreaming.
It's no secret that I'd always wanted a big brother. I guess I've talked myself out of wanting one. It's quite impossible to have a big brother whom I can be very close with, & yet won't develop feelings towards. Especially if the relationship hadn't started since we're very young.
How about bros, though?
My dream was mostly of me hanging with JR & Ash, in a car. It was fun. I only remember me ending up asleep in the car, & waking up to find myself safe at home.
I don't remember much. But I liked the dream.
Labels: Recordings
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3:20 PM
I like how I don't ever have to worry about how my crush is going to like & end up with another girl. I remember crying over that one night during a family sleep over in the living room. So heart broken, but I couldn't do anything about it because the boy wasn't mine, so I had no right. I like being able to pour all my affection onto only one guy whom I trust with all my life to never leave me. I like the security. No? :)
Labels: Shorties
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12:21 AM
Friday, December 9, 2011
Welcome back, Carmelia, to the blogging world.
Remember the days (nights mostly) you spent typing & deleting & retyping?
It almost scares me how much you'd forgotten about the ways of letting thoughts flow from your brain to your fingertips. It's as though every vein of imagination in you is blocked.
No stories.
No rewording of intense thoughts.
No hideously detailed but incomplete recounts.
No randomness.
The best word-smithing I can do now is thinking up Facebook statuses.
Or maybe, just maybe, the reason why I'm so blocked up right now is because I face the pressure to please & wow people. Nigel's one of those people. A few others that I shall not name as well because I might end up pressuring THEM.
Style of writing? Mia Thermopolis style? Cool style? Serious? Funny? Random? Rojak? Mood?
I suppose, I'll just be me. :)
Egad, I was even wondering if my posts should be emoticon free.
...nah.
:D
See, smiley emoticon happy I didn't ban them from my posts! Yay Carmelia!
So, does this conclude my first post? :D
Nah. I'll just ramble some more.
The blog will not be a commercial one. If there are followers or stalkers (Am not worried because the stalkers I know of so far are safe people. So far.) then awesome, I love you mwah mwah! If not, it's okay.
I guess I'm keeping a blog because I know I'll need somewhere to release thoughts occasionally. Somewhere other than Facebook.
It's so unfair how my Facebook- sorry, Facecake, friends, know about my ups & downs more than I know about them. Or their last names. Or their ages. Not that I friend strangers, it's just a tad difficult to remember 500 last names and ages.
Hopefully, this room (Blog, but I called it room. Deal with it.) will prevent me from spamming everyone's Facecake newsfeed.
That's the temporary Mission of this room.
Another Mission would be... so that I don't regret not keeping a blog. Facecake statuses can tell you that much. I want to be able to read old blogs & remember things.
Well, that's it, then. Remember me talking about how blocked up I feel? No, not a stuffed nose, I meant, with my writing.
Yeah. It's a bit like, having sat down for so long, when you get up, your legs are quite weak at first. I feel very, very weak now.
I hope my writing ability & inspiration will return soon. I miss the excitement I feel writing. Toodles, people.
Labels: Notices
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11:26 PM
